She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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