508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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