I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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