I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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