All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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