wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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