I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
