Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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