in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
