She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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