he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
