can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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