If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
