sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
