Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
