If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Drunk is not a location!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
