I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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