You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's always time for handjobs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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