OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
