i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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