Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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