I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
