her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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