1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
