38 yer olds are good kisserssss
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
