he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
