I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
did you just send me my own nude
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
