she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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