just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
