I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
