My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
