apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
