my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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