he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Shame - the story of my life.
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