was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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