I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
