420 ftw
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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