You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
