forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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