3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You are a genius and a whore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
