Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
