I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour