Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice