I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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