I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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