You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again