the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
