I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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