I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it glows. i had to have it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
