wakey wakey hands off snakey
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
