Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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