"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize