i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
