Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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