My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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