i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
