dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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