I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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