i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
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Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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