Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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