ya dads aren't the best wingmen
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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