The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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