Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My ATM looks so different sober.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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