omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
porn star boner night. come get it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
