No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
