walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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