We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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