So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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