we made out on top of his cat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
