i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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