That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When did angry sex become our thing?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
