and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
