you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
