Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
