Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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