highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Barsexuality is the new black.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
