I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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