You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
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hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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