I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
